the past, the present and the future

I just got back from a short stay in Luxembourg. I went to meet my niece Louise who is one month old …  but ended up doing much more and seeing many people, some I hadn’t seen in over 20 years, others who are friends I do not see that often.I got to see some works of mine in a house and in an office, and I managed to have one day totally to myself when I finally relaxed and got some clarity in my thoughts and feelings.
It was a good trip and I am back here with new energy and a a clearer head. And I can finally acknowledge that this was a hard and tiring summer, after a even harder spring and winter … And that I have never had the time to reflect and recover properly.
And the black belt testing, with everything it entailed, was quite intense as well. And I never even really got to celebrate it properly. After two days in Luxembourg I began to feel a bit more like myself again and wondered how it was possible that I got so stressed out that I didn’t´t manage to work properly anymore … And why it seems I do not have my priorities right … It helped to write again and to calm down and listen to myself, to my fears and feelings and acknowledge them whenever I felt and or anxious or sad ….
And, of course it was great to meet my niece. What a sweetie … and suddenly I feel like there is a future again.

my niece Louise … isn´t she sweet 🙂 … dsc_2645
The proud father …. img_4269

some of my works at MindForest in Luxembourg
and at someones private home …

random pictures from Limpertsberg and Rollingergrundimg_4275 img_4248 img_4247 img_4245 img_4244 img_4242 img_4240 img_4235 img_4234 img_4294
and the flight back to Berlin

don´t waste my time

  1. recluse

I love my work.

No, it´s not even that. I exist through my work. My art is the only thing that feels right to me.

Sometimes I wish, I could simply work in my studio, think about my work, take long walks and take pictures outside, think, write, read, meditate …. Do I need to explain that I am not terribly keen on “networking” and that selling my work is something that really makes me feel awful. Not if someone asks to buy something and then actually does. But whenever people are interested and take weeks, months to decide that finally they have had enough attention and need the money to buy something  “more useful”. It makes me feel dirty, used, sad, ashamed that I had dared hope, and tired. And angry. At myself for giving so much again, at people who do not stop to think for one second what it is that they are doing, no one wants to think about the fact that I spend all my time working on those works they pretend to like so much, that all my resources are used up buying material, paying the rent of my studio … and that, funnily enough, even artists need to pay for their food, insurances, and even need to pay bills and their rent. And that a fun picture in the newspaper is not getting money into my account. And that saying  that my work is great is not filling my bank account.

Do I sound bitter? You know what, I could´t care less. Actually I just decided to stop caring what anything thinks of me anyway.  At least then I can be poor while staying true to myself.

reading. and wondering ….

I wonder what kind of society we live in, if a woman who is disgusted by men going to gang bang parties is being asked what her problem is ….

This so called open minded-ness and tolerance has gone to far and the fear of being stigmatised as being “narrow minded”  or any other kind of debasing description used on women who still dare to question certain sexual practices has resulted in a totally distorted view on sexual violence and in a society where women are taught to be cool with everything even if it hurts them  … and damages them for life …

And because it is “normal”, to have an issue with this ind of sexual practices is now considered a problem …

You are hurt, debased, degraded, and then you have two problems, because you are supposed to think what happened to you is normal and cool … and that you are the one who is “not normal” ….
And then this “nobody forces them to do this” lie ….  It makes me sick.

Anyone who still has any doubts about what sexual violence does to women would be well advised to read “Vagina” by Naomi Wolf … if after that you still think that gang bang parties are cool then you are the one who really has a problem ….

last day of May
















some days the best thing is to take the bike and drive out of the city and breathe in fresh air and forget all about work and unpaid bills and bruised egos …

definetly something i will be doing a lot this summer … if only to enjoy seeing different landscapes and feeling myself again … and I enjoy doing this alone …