sober.

I have been thinking a lot about sobriety lately.
What triggered this was, strangely enough, a sentence one of the characters, Lucy, of the series “Paranoid” says: “I like to be present”  … I found this somehting whcih resonated with me and my worries that, for example, people live so much in their virtual reality on their stupid phones that they fail to see what is really around them. When I sit in the S-Bahn going to my studio I look outside and I see many beautiful things, but many ugly, neglected, dirty places as well, and my first reflex is, as probably everybody elses, to grab my stupid device and plunge into a more beautiful an pleasing world. But this is not going to change how places look, and it will not keep me from having to walk through piss and garbage when I arrive in Schöneweide … I wonder if things would change if people still noticed and then would not have means to escape?
The same goes with alcohol. What would I change in my daily life if I didn´t drink any alcohol anymore? Well, I am going to find out, because I will, from now on, be and stay sober.

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asocial media

What if every single human being stayed off facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat and all other forms of “social” media for the same two weeks.
I wonder what would happen. Would things slow down? Would bars and cafés fill with people? Would more or less people kill themselves?
I dare to say that blood pressure levels would go down, overall and personal, real productivity would go up …
Would people send e-mails again or even have a real old fashioned phone conversation? Would people read newspapers to stay informed, I mean online, of course …  or watch TV again, and more of it?
Would it people in power hold off their campains and public events until people are on “social” media again? Would it make a difference?
I am sure I would feel better.
But whom would I tell?

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shell

whose idea of your self are you selling with your selfie?
whose idea of being sexy are you trying to emulate?and for whom?
why are you spending your time trying to be someone who will never exist?
when did you start believing that the way you are isn´t good enough?
when did you start feeling small and uncomforatble?
have you ever considered that you were made to feel like this? that there is a reason behind this?
who has something to gain from your constant discomfort?
are you aware that the image your mirror reflects is not the way you look?
and that the way you look is unrelated to the way you feel?

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Kurzer Spaziergang.
Atelierflucht. procrastination.
Toter Punkt.
Morgen weiter, nur, wie?
Vielleicht werde cih nach dieser Ausstellung nicht mehr nähen?
Gerade ist mir nach Reisen, draussen fotografieren, schreiben und filmen.
Und doch habe ich immer wieder Szenen im Kopf, die ich gerne “bauen” würde, im Atelier, ohne Einfluss von der Realität “draussen”.
Berlin macht es mir gerade nicht leicht, mein Bedürfniss nach raus, nach Natur, nach Bäumen, Erde, Pflanzen, Luft ist so gross.
Gestern 15 Minuten shopping mall, an einem Samstag vor Weihnachten, so ungefähr stelle ich mir dann meine persönliche Hölle vor.

Schlimmer noch: Menschen die alle gleich aussehen und Schlange stehen vor dem sneaker shop in Kreuzberg um rein zu dürfen um sich für viel Geld Sneaker kaufen zu dürfen die irgendeine Marketing Abteilung sich hat einfallen lassen und irgendwo Kinder oder Frauen für kein Geld zusammen kleben …
Lachen, oder weinen?

Die Leere macht Angst.

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