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past / present / future 2

this picture is so old that I do not even remember it’s title …
One thing I have learned from going through old work is that I have always had short periods where I made really good work followed by much longer periods of mediocre, boring or downright bad work … Sometimes I have to check the dates on the files twice because I couldn’ t believe that I could make something that bad after having made some really interesting pictures … If this has been my rhythm for more then ten years, maybe I should stop panicking when I have a “dry spell” and allow myself to live and experience the world and actually fill my brain and my soul with new life instead of staring at a screen or forcing myself to do the same things over and over again.
During the last couple of years my life has become more and more organized, I have taken over responsibilites for jobs outside of my art practice due to my need for money combined with the general consensus that artists do not earn money with their art (says who, and why do I believe this?) and have somehow ended up being the one taking care of most of the household, cats and garden … All of this leaves me with little to no time to do things that I like doing , just for the sake of doing them … this means that more often then not I feel totally completely uninspired, mentally bored … and seriously frustrated.
And I am still poor.
And I have no idea how to break out of this.

dream running
floating in the safety
of distance

dreams of thick forests
endless trees
the mystery of childhood

lives coming to an end
a wall behind
i am not allowed to look

an emptiness that smells
of loneliness
floating. rootless.

bridging the distance
now
to feel real

the threat of freedom